So once again I have fallen off of my blog.Today a few thoughts hit me on topics to write about.
I mean so much is going on in OUR world and MY world it is hard to know where to start.
I figured I would start with a tribute to my man Bear. He was a huge part of my life, I figured I should pay my respects before rambling about baseball, football or anything else.
So here is my tribute to Eric Terrell Bowden or my main man forever Bear.
A few weeks ago I received a call from one of my out of state partners about a rumor that he had heard on my main homie Bear. He had heard that Bear was killed in Vegas over the weekend. Of course, I didn't believe it as I had just talked to Bear two days before. I quickly called Bear's cell and it shot to voicemail and the voicemail was full.
I am really afraid of bad phone calls and immediately all the ones I have received over my 37 years flashed before me. This one hit me different. It was disbelief (that's usual) but I felt like I was floating in space. Weird I know, but I could not come down to earth to deal with this. I made a few more calls including one to the morgue and they confirmed my worst fears. The lady offered her condolences but they floated in the air with me. Still weird.
Bear is only one of many people very close to me that has passed on. I mean all the way back to High School I can remember losing close associates and friends to car crashes, suicides and the other.
Death is a weird subject for me. I guess everyone deals with death differently. It is hard to lose young people. I miss my grandparents and aunts and uncles but they have lived full lives. To lose someone so young is unexplainable. I have a strong belief in God. But I always go back to a song written by Depeche Mode (Blasphemous Rumours) in which they said that "God has a sick sense of humor" in taking someone so young. The way I deal with death continues to evolve but I still cannot grasp why God takes good people.
So, as usual, I dove into my work, went out on the weekend and tried to have fun while constantly thinking about my friend.
I met Bear through my man Sleep. Bear was full of energy and wide eyed when I met him. He loved being in the mix. I put Bear in as many situations as I could and he always delivered. I trusted Bear with a lot . He honestly never let me down.
I remember once, I had this chick and she was talking shit about me while Bear was around. Bear got so upset he chased her out the spot with his pistol. She called me and was frantic. She called and said "Bear just shot at me! You need to call him-he crazy!" I called Bear, he laughed, we both laughed but that was the kind of loyalty Bear possessed.
I helped Bear to see more than LA and sent him out on the Guerrilla Black nationwide tour. Bear got to go to Texas, the South, the Midwest and through the Rockie Mountains. Bear fiend ed to go back to Miami, it was always a blast. Bear was tireless when doing what he loved. He never complained and always got it done. After business slowed down in LA, Bear moved to Las Vegas to get it going for himself. Bear picked up some accounts and was having a ball in Vegas. He once said to me that he was so happy that he moved there because it was new and LA was just "too hectic for him". Every time I landed in Vegas Bear was there.
This weekend I went back on tour to Vegas with Maino. It was so hard to be in what I thought of as Bear's city without him there. We ate Chicken and Waffles at a spot in Vegas and no Bear. We hit the video show with Tva Parks, who Bear really liked, and no Bear. One of the people who liked Bear a lot and took him on the promo stuff was my man Rory McAlister. Rory is a staple in Las Vegas and always has been. Rory was in about as much disbelief as I was around the whole event. I went to the club, no Bear. I felt so empty this weekend.I know Bear is in a better place, but I miss him. I feel he is still going to call and I am going to hear him laugh. I choked up and cried the morning of the funeral and that was hard. I am still numb to death, still numb to the thought my friend is gone.
In closing, I find it hard to take someones life. I find it hard to believe our generation does not find it hard to take someones life be it through war, money, cars, clothes or women. It is a sad state of affairs when people are disposable. Hopefully the next generation of young kids growing up will be a little more cognisant of how valuable life is.
I apply music to my life. A lot of songs stand out. I dedicate this song to my friend Bear.
Sometimes it Snows In April
by Prince
Tracy died soon after a long fought civil war
Just after I wiped away his last tear
I guess he's better off than he was before
A whole lot better off than the fools he left here
I used 2 cry 4 Tracy ‘cause he was my only friend
Those kind of cars don't pass U every day
I used 2 cry 4 Tracy ‘cause I wanted 2 see him again
But sometimes, sometimes life ain't always the way
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad
Sometimes I wish that life was never ending
And all good things, they say, never last
Springtime was always my favorite time of year
A time 4 lovers holding hands in the rain
Now springtime only reminds me of Tracy's tears
Always cry 4 love, never cry 4 pain
He used 2 say so strong, “Oh, I'm not afraid 2 die?
Unafraid of the death that left me hypnotized
U know, staring at his picture I realize
No one could cry the way my Tracy cried
Sometimes it snows in April Sometimes I feel so bad, yeah
Sometimes, sometimes I wish that life was never ending
But all good things, they say, never last
I often dream of heaven and I know that Tracy's there
I know that he has found another friend
Maybe he's found the answer 2 all the April snow
Maybe one day I'll see my Tracy again
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad
Sometimes I wish that life was never ending
But all good things, they say, never last
And love, it isn't love until it's past
